A few random thoughts to get back into blogging

This post is just a few random thoughts to get me back into blogging...Thanks to a lovely friend who sent me a nudging text without knowing it.

So, last night I was super excited to get a text message with a picture of the book 101 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married...with the message "can you tell who reads your blog." I am so happy to know that the random things I share on here make a difference one way or another to more than just me. It really is a great book and I highly recommend it. Her and I are reading it differently. She's actually reading it from beginning to end. I on the other hand read the list at the beginning and pick out different numbers from there to read.

Also, Little Miss Lil' is starting to use words! Real ones. Today she handed me her bottle and said "done." I know that it excites me more than it will excite most others, but that's okay...I'm a mom now that's my job :P I really think her list will be at twenty words by the end of February. Right now she says, "du" for duck, "ish" for fish, "da" for dad, the other day she said bottle. She also says truck and "tito" for tickle. I'm still waiting to hear "mom" or "mama" :)

It's a good thing that these little things have been occupying some space in my mind because I've noticed that my positive thinking streak has slowed down. The more negativity I let in the harder it is to be positive. It is extremely interesting to me how much work it is to be positive and how much work it isn't to let one negative thought turn into ten. I had a teacher in high school who said as long as you use a word three times it is yours. Meaning you will then hold an understanding of that word. I wonder if the same is true for thoughts. Maybe if I only write about the good, happy, positive things that I'm going through those will stick and the negative will slowly fall away again. Hmmm, it's something to think about I guess.

Looks like it's time for neosporin

I have this book I read pieces of every once in a while called 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married. It's a really good read, at least for me. I find I learn something about myself or some way to better myself every time I pick it up.

#21...If you can't be happy without your partner, you won't be happy together.

"When we take responsibility for healing the unloved places within ourselves by accepting and internalizing our partner's love, true healing and happiness begins. Paradoxically, though we may not become truly happy without someone else's love, their love alone is not enough to fulfill us. What their love can do is ignite the spark of self-love buried deep in our hearts so that we can recognize, feed, and nurture it until it becomes a roaring fire that ultimately burns up the shame, insecurity, anger, and pain that have been the source of our unhappiness."

It's amazing to think about all the times I have made it out to be someone else's fault I was hurt or unhappy, when in reality there was something deeper within me that caused the pain. I personally go through cycles of taking care of myself and my happiness. I know that when I do remember that my voids are my own and nobody else's to fill, mend, and patch I usually enjoy my days more and find myself in a better place. It isn't anyone's responsibility to make me happy. It's mine to take charge of my journey.

One thing I seem to forget when I go through these cycles though is that happiness is not a race. I cannot heal every wound, fill every void at once. It's okay to take it one step at a time and not throw myself into a million things. This is actually probably the reason I go through cycles instead of finding a steady road to travel. I take too much on at once thinking it will bring happiness then get burnt out and frustrated that after all my work nothing has changed. The reason being, I hadn't actually fixed anything. I was putting band aids over my cuts without neosporin...leaving scar tissue instead of smooth skin. Now it's time to reopen old wounds and use the neosporin to create a smooth surface.

The first step to taking charge of my happiness has been actively paying attention to my outlook and attitude. The second has been blogging again, writing out my thoughts has always seemed to help me focus and hold myself accountable. Hopefully I can break the cycle this time and learn how to create a lasting happiness within myself.